Regret

Call it
the new years ball of light in times square,
descending from your mind
into your stomach.
Though –
you’ll likely not cheer when it happens,
because your chest has tightened –
because something has dawned on you.

You can almost see the ugly bird
that has just nested somewhere in the branches,
the viens of your body –
and it’s not going to leave you.

And right now
I am thinking of you somewhere
because I found myself alone
outside without a breeze, only silence in June
with it pecking away at me,
with no understanding of how
to kill
this animal inside of us.

I even removed my watch
and wound it backwards.
Hoping I’d suddenly see the world
slide into reverse, which of course
never happened.

And I know you understand
how futile this was. How all I did
was waste and lose
track of time.

But I thought of you
and our panic, this thing we share
this idea of wanting to count backwards

and I wanted to tell you
don’t

don’t let it eat you alive
don’t be like me.

I having crossed some imaginary line
in sand, some
point
in time I did not know
even existed, I swear I didn’t know.

Don’t be anything like me
hurt by looking back,
seeing myself and
feeling devastated.
About who I am
and this secret we all share.

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